Uncertainty
by aries03
Summary: Post season one finale. What happens with the 'harem' after tragedy strikes them all?
1. Chapter 1

"Roxy? Roxy? Are you alright?"

Roxy winces as she attempts to fully open her eyes. _Ugh, where is all this pain coming from?_ She hears her friend calling out beside her.

"Denise? I'm here. I'm right here. What happened?"

"Oh, thank goodness you're awake. Oh my gosh, Roxy. Look at your dress. It's turning beat red."

Denise pulls a handkerchief out of her purse and applied direct pressure to a 3 inch gash on Roxy's chest. Then, for the first time since the explosion, she takes a look around. People were scattered on the floor. For the most part, everyone seemed to be alive. Then, she sees one body that appeared lifeless near the entrance.

"No! Amanda! Roxy, keep applying pressure to your wound. I have to go help Amanda."

She was instantly by Amanda's side making an initial assessment. After hearing no breath sounds or finding a pulse, she begins CPR.

"One, two, three, four, five…"

Roxy lifts her head off of the cement. It takes a minute for the room to stop spinning. She figures she must have hit her head pretty hard. She reaches up to feel a giant goose egg starting to form.

"One, two, three, four, five…"

_What in the world is going on? Why is someone counting like that?_ She turns her head to see Denise and is almost sick to her stomach at the source of the counting. Then, she realizes Denise wasn't her only friend in there with her.

"Claudia Joy? Roland?"

It took her a moment to locate them in all the chaos. Both appeared unconscious but living. Just then, what remained of the doors to the bar was smashed in, and numerous paramedics rushed onto the scene. Roxy just kind of scoots herself out of the way. She's obviously one of the not-so-injured at this moment in time. She feels like an outsider looking in…like everything is a dream, so surreal. She watches as the paramedics literally have to pull Denise off of Amanda to take over, Denise sobbing. She watches as paramedics lift both Claudia Joy and Roland onto gurney's…neck braces and all. Then, a wave of dizziness envelopes her, and she feels her body drift to the floor.

"Ma'am? Are you okay?"

"Huh?"

"We need another gurney over here!"

And that's the last thing Roxy remembers hearing before slipping back into darkness.


	2. Chapter 2

Beep. Beep. Beep.

_Ugh. I feel like hell formed an ice rink. My head is pounding right out of my head._ She opens her eyes to the full realization of the hospital room she is staying in.

"Roxy LeBlanc?"

She slightly nods her head in acknowledgment.

"I'm Dr. August. I'm glad to see you starting to come back around. You had quite a fall back there."

She reaches above to feel an even bigger goose egg than she remembered. Still wincing at the pain, she remembers what put her in the hospital in the first place.

"My friends…where are my friends?"

As if fate was reading her mind, Denise walks up to the doorway. She forces a smile on her face and wipes the fresh tears from her eyes, not yet wanting to reveal the news she had to bear. She gains her bearings before she pokes her head through the doorway at that moment carrying a fresh batch of flowers from the gift shop. The doctor nods and leaves the two friends to do some catching up.

"Oh, Denise. You're okay. Thank goodness you're okay."

"I feel bad. I think I was the least hurt out of everyone, and I don't know why. I was right there with you guys. I got flowers for the rooms. I know it's not much, but…"

"Denise. You're wonderful, but don't you dare be feeling guilty about not being hurt. That's a good thing, you hear me?"

"I brought someone with me. She was worried sick, and I thought it would cheer you up."

Roxy's heart almost skipped a beat and a huge smile lights up her face when she that red hair through the doorway.

"Oh, Pamela…am I ever glad to see you! I am so glad you didn't have to go through that. You see, a good deed, aka watching the kids, pays off every once in awhile."

Even through her concern, Pamela can't help but giggle a little bit.

"Well, I see even a concussion can't slow down your sense of humor."

"Girl, I probably haven't learned much in life, but I have learned that when life throws you lemons, you add some sugar and make lemonade. But the others, they're okay, right?"

Pamela and Denise exchange concerned looks and try to think of the right thing to say at a time like this. Roxy seemed so happy at that moment, it just didn't seem right. Denise slinks down and stares at the floor while Pamela tries to break the news gently. She figured she'd start with the good news and go from there.

"Claudia Joy is doing wonderfully considering. She's still slipping into unconsciousness every once in awhile, but she's having more and more lucid moments. The doctor said the prognosis is really good. She doesn't know about Amanda yet."

"Amanda?"

"Despite efforts made by Denise and the paramedics, she was just in too close of proximity to the…"

"Please don't finish that statement right now."

Everyone looks down at the floor for a moment of silence. Nobody is smiling anymore. It takes a moment before Roxy can speak again.

"And Roland? What about Roland?"

"I'm so sorry, Roxy…"


	3. Chapter 3

"Is he…dead?"

Tears were streaming down Denise's face. Pamela couldn't speak. Roxy didn't have to hear the words to know the answer.

"What I don't get is how the injuries were so varied among people standing so close to each other."

Denise seemed to really try to comprehend the question. Pamela seemed sure of the answer but was a little hesitant to share the details.

"Well, if you really want to know…from what I understand…he had a claymore mine and two C-4 bricks. Luckily, he was horrible at wiring the explosives, and the explosion was only about a third as powerful as it could have been. The claymore mine shot shrapnel in multiple directions along with a shock wave that flung everyone to the ground. Luckily, there are as many tables and obstacles in the bar as there were. Those standing in the right spots got blocked from the shrapnel. Others were not so lucky. Also, there were a few people who just hit their heads in such a way that was unrecoverable."

"Roland?"

"Are you sure you want to hear about that?"

"Yeah."

"This is what I have gathered from the little bit I got from Joan. Roland, unfortunately, was on the wrong side of the table. He not only got hit by the shrapnel but got flung back with his head hitting the table before falling down onto the cement. He survived until shortly after he got to the hospital."

"Well, fate sure does have a funny way of making herself known."

"To be very honest, as much as I really am saddened over the passing of Roland and Amanda, not to mention about 1/3 of the people in that bar, I am happy that you two are still here. I mean, technically, you both should have died in that bar along with the others. If he would have known how to properly wire those explosives, nobody would have survived the explosion."

Tears started to flow from Roxy's eyes. A quiet whimper turned into a steady stream and then into a full out sob. Waves of grief passed over her. Denise, instinctively going into her nurturing mode, sits on the corner of the bed and wraps her arms around her.

"Oh, Roxy, it'll be okay. Just let it all out."

"It's just…it's just…my life has changed so much, and then Trevor…he's…he's gone. I hadn't even fully regained…composure…from that…and this happens. It's just too much…all…at…once."

Tremors of grief overwhelm Roxy's body for several minutes. A concerned nurse rushes in with a syringe in hand.

"Mrs. LeBlanc, your heart rate is going crazy. Your body cannot handle this stress right now. I'm going to give you something to help with the anxiety."

Denise, concerned about her friend, chimes in.

"What are you going to give her?"

"The doctor wants her to fully rest. He ordered haledol."

Denise just nods. The nurse administers the medication through the IV, and Roxy immediately goes silent. Pamela, not as familiar with the medication as Denise is, becomes shocked at how quickly her friend's body went limp.

"Is she…okay? I mean, was her body supposed to do that?"

This made Denise giggle for the first time that day.

"She's fine, but she needs her rest. Come on, let's go see Claudia Joy."

And she ushers her friend out the door while leaving her other friend to get some much needed rest.


	4. Chapter 4

Pamela and Roxy stopped outside of Claudia Joy's room. The doctor wasn't sure that emotional stress would be good so soon in the game, but Roxy insisted that Pamela wheel her down.

"Should we go in?"

"I don't know, Rox. You think you're up for it? I mean, Claudia Joy knows about Amanda. Brigadier General Holden and their youngest is in there. It's going to be an emotional mess."

"No offense, but it would be surprising if it _wasn't_ an emotional mess right now. We both know that if it was either of us in that situation, Claudia Joy would be there in an instant. I just think she _deserves_ the same. I mean, don't you?"

"Hey. I brought you this far, haven't I?"

The duo regains their composure and surveys the scene in front of them before Roxy clears her throat to get their attention.

"Hey, guys. Pamela and I, well, we just wanted to stop by and give our condolences. For once, I really don't know what to say."

Claudia Joy just gives an appreciative smile. Brigadier General Holden reaches out his arm to offer his genuine thanks.

"Well, I thank you both for your kind thoughts. Roxy, I am glad to see you out of that hospital room and getting out-and-about. I'm sure PFC LeBlanc would be relieved to see you doing so well."

"Thank you, sir."

Pamela thought she might be stepping out of lines with her next comment, but hey, her radio show gave her a new sense of courage, and she thought it needed to be said.

"No offense, sir, but I just wanted to let you know that during this time of great loss, it would be okay if you let your professionalism take a backseat to your emotions. I mean, I guess what I'm trying to say is, at least in front of me, you don't have to be the Brigadier General's family. You can feel free to just be the Holden family for once.

A tear falls down his cheek as Pamela's words begin to break through the hard shell. Then, he almost starts to laugh.

"You know, if I would have pegged which one of you would have said a comment like that to me, I would have thought, for sure, it would have been Roxy! Thank you, Pamela. It might have seemed like a small gesture, but those words actually mean the world to me right now."

Roxy smiles for the first time since the news of her friends' deaths.

"Well, sir, I don't know whether to take that as an insult or a compliment, but I really must be getting back to my room. The doctor doesn't want me having another _little_ breakdown, but Claudia Joy, if there is anything, anything at all, I can do for you, don't hesitate to ask. I'm sure Pamela feels the same way."

Pamela nods in agreement. Claudia Joy manages to speak for the first time. Her words come out choked but appreciative.

"Thank you, ladies, for your support."

Roxy and Pamela exchange hugs with the Holdens before returning Roxy to her hospital bed for the night. With a night of observation, she might be able to go home to her boys in the morning.


	5. Chapter 5

"Hey. Thanks for driving me home, Denise."

"It's no problem, really."

"Pamela was going to come back today and get me, but she's watching my boys. I didn't want them coming to the hospital."

"Didn't want them to see you so vulnerable?"

"Nah. Hospitals just kind of creep me out. I don't expose my boys to things that I wouldn't like to be exposed to if I had the choice."

"Ah."

"I know this would be asking like a totally huge favor of you, but could we possibly drive past the Hump Bar. I want to see it…to kind of get a grasp of what really happened. Oh my gosh…the Hump Bar. OH MY GOSH. Have I lost totally lost my head? Betty! _How's _Betty?"

The yellow tape was still loosely barricading the bar as Denise pulled the car the car up to the curb. Outside, sitting on the curb a couple feet away, sat the answer Roxy was seeking.

"BETTY! Oh my gosh! I was scared you had gone and kicked the bucket on me, too!"

"Oh darling, no. I'm still here. Ironically. I mean, who would think that the one with the terminal illness would be one of those to survive the catastrophe.

"You see, Betty. God wants you to get that operation. He wants you to live."

"Well, I don't know about that, honey, but we'll see. I already feel like my life has ended. That skeleton of a bar right there…that bar was good to me. It never let me down. Never abandoned me. Dependable, you know."

"You aren't going to try to fix it. I mean, you have to be able to get something back from somewhere…I mean, your bar was part of an attack. That has to count for something!"

"It's not that. I could get the money if I really needed it. I've been offered government aide…especially since this, because of _you_, has become a place of morale for some of the people on base. I just don't know if it's worth it anymore."

"Now, Betty, don't you be giving up on me now! I thought you were going to have that operation."

"It's stage III, honey. The doctors discovered it when doing tests after the explosion. I found out yesterday. There will be no operation."

"Oh Betty, what are you going to do?"

"Go with the original plan and die. We all have to do it sooner or later. Mine's just the sooner rather than the later. I have some family up north. I'm going to go stay with them. Live the rest of my life to the fullest…doing the best I can."

Betty wraps Roxy in a hug, kisses her on the cheek while giving her a slap on the back, and then walks away. It wasn't until a little bit later that Roxy noticed that Betty had slipped something into her pocket.


	6. Chapter 6

Later that night, Roxy and Pamela were sitting around the dining room table at Roxy's. With both husband's gone, they had been tending to spend more and more time together to avoid being alone.

"So, Rox, are you going to do it?"

"You know, it's so tempting, but I just don't think I can."

"Why not? She left you with a clean shot."

"I know. I know, but Trevor and I had talked about things like this before. What if we get transferred to another base after he gets back from this tour?"

"Then you would have had a good run at something you really enjoyed."

"But we have to be realistic. Trevor would totally flip if he came back, and I had made this life changing decision while he was gone. I'd be deader than a pig at a pig roast."

"Here's the thing. Those soldiers, they know that life changing things are happening back home when they are gone. Wives have babies. People pass away. Wives change their entire appearance. I say, if this is what you want, then go for it."

"But Pamela, she gave me the _deed _to _the bar_."

"And the letter on how to get the aide to help fix it up. I know. It's fantastic."

"I just don't know. So much has happened in the last 72 hours. I don't know if I'm ready for another big change in my life."

"Hey. Nobody's saying you have to rush into this. I'm just saying—if this is what you really want, then you should try to go for it. At least then you know you tried. That's all."

"I just can't believe she's leaving. In the short amount of time I've known her, she's been more of a mother to be than Merda ever has."

Pamela just kind of shrugs in shoulders in agreement and appreciation, and they both sit and stare at their coffee.

"You know what I thought about today?"

"What?"

"That time Roland punched that guy out and started that bar fight to defend me. He was such a dedicated friend. Even with everything that was happening with Joan, I always kind of looked up to him."

"Yeah. I know what you mean. I wonder how Joan's doing. Do you know anyone's who's talked to her?"

"Not since you talked to her the day of the accident."

"I was really hoping things would work out for them. I mean, Joan's pregnant. He didn't get on that airplane. It just seems like things were possibly heading in the right direction."

In walks a girl with pigtails.

"Mommy. I'm tired. When are we going home?"

Pamela looks down at her watch. _Quarter to twelve. Ugh_.

"I didn't realize it was getting so late. I had better get going."

"Are you still gonna pick me up tomorrow?"

"I wouldn't dream of making you go alone. KIDS, COME ON. WE"RE LEAVING. I'll pick you up at 0900, okay?"

"Okay."

Pamela suffles the kids out the door, and Pamela goes back to reading the letters from Betty.


	7. Chapter 7

"Hey, are you ready?"

"Are you ever ready for something like this?"

"Good point."

Roxy feels Pamela give her a supportive pat on the back as she rises from her seat and straightens out her black cardigan. She looks around at the crowd that has gathered to say a final farewell to a good friend. It amazed her because of the variety of people and personalities that had shown up. She slowly made her way up to the podium.

_Um…hello. Gee. I'm not very good at this whole public thinking thing, but I thought I'd give it a shot. My name is Roxy LeBlanc, wife of PFC Trevor LeBlanc, and as much as I may suck at this, I am honored to be up here today. I was shocked when approached about reading one of the eulogies, but I graciously accepted._

_I may have gotten the reputation around post of being sassy and full of witty sayin's, today is not the day for being sassy. Today, we say goodbye to a good friend. I haven't been on post long. There's many things I may be a little naïve to, but even I know that nothing compared to the friendships we have around here. I reckon there ain't nothing anywhere else to compare. I met Roland early on in my army experience. We met under quite certainly some crazy circumstances with people who formed into a close-knit group of friends. Immediately, I could see the integrity within that man. Shy, yes, but dedicated to things of his choosin'. Being the only man in our little group, he spruced things up a bit, but when push came to shove, he defended us to the best of his abilities. I know, towards the end of his stay on base, he made some bad decisions, but hey y'all, we all do. That doesn't change who we are deep inside. That night, that fateful night, Roland walked into the bar, and I could see in his eyes the man that I had first met at that fateful social gathering. He may have not been perfect, none of us are, but he was one of the best of friends you could have asked for. Roland, this one's for you! _

She rose up a fake glass to the wind in salute before stepping down from the podium. She looked around for her harem. There was not a dry in the bunch, but they all had a slight smile in remembrance of the good times.

At the dinner afterwards, Joan comes up and gives Roxy a hug.

"Thank you, Roxy, for those beautiful words at the funeral. I know it would have meant a lot to Roland."

A sad look of understanding comes across Roxy.

"Joan, it was my honor. He was a good man. If there is anything, and I mean anything, you need, you just give me a holler. I'll come running faster than an ostrich on roller skates."

"Thank you. I'll remember that."

"Please do. I know you and I have never been close, but that doesn't mean we can't be, ya hear?"

Joan gives a slight nod before moving on. Denise comes over to take her place.

"Hey, Denise."

"Hey, girl. I wanted to come over and compliment you on your words at the service. It was a beautiful eulogy."

"Thanks. That means a lot."

"I mean it. You know…over the years…I have attended a lot of funerals of husbands who were killed in action or injured in training or so on, but when it happens to a true friend, it hurts that much more."

"Does it get easier to handle? The loss, I mean."

Denise looks down at the floor and shakes her head.

"Never."

Denise wraps her arms around her friend, and Roxy lays her head on Denise's shoulder for one last good cry.


	8. Chapter 8

Two months later, Roxy leads a blindfolded Pamela into a darkened room.

"Are you ready?"

"Yes!"

"Sure?"

"Oh, come on Roxy, show it to me already!"

"Ok…here it goes…take off that blindfold and let me introduce you to _The Harem_."

The lights flip on, and Pamela's breath is taken away.

"HOLY….ROXY! This place is _gorgeous_!"

"Ya think?"

"Uh…yeah!"

The place had been completely transformed. Instead of the honky tonk feel of the _Hump Bar_, Roxy had chosen to go a little bit cozier. Black granite formed the countertops and frosted glass bar lights hung above. The barstools were dark purple, and the walls were a soothing shade of light blue. Maroon lounge couches encircle small black tables, and each table had a small, frosted glass candle holder.

"But Roxy, this isn't what I envisioned at all. I mean, no offense, but I thought you were more at home in the honky tonks and taverns. This is so _sophisticated._"

"I know, I know. I had always had this dream of _Roxy's Bar and Grill_, ya know, but then I thought of _how much_ this bar and meant for our close little group of friends. I wanted something to really portray that to the world. OH…you have to look at this!"

Roxy pulled Pamela to the opposite wall of the bar. A piece of painted glass held this phrase:

_On an icy field of nowhere_

_In the middle of your dreams,_

_Ghosts may haunt, clouds hover._

_Things aren't what they seem._

_Then, there lies a glimpse_

_Of a beauty so divine._

_A symbol of peacefulness_

_To outlast the hardest times._

_Sophisticated petals of love_

_To fill your heart so true._

_The ghosts seem to fade away_

_And the skies seem so blue,_

_But glimpses of hope_

_Are not always to stay_

_Even strong flowers fade_

_Into the cold winter day._

_However, don't forget the love._

_Don't let the memory die_

_Cherish that beautiful flower,_

_And never question why. _

_In Memory of Roland and Amanda and Everyone Else Who Lost Their Lives Here in Bravery_

"Oh, Roxy. It's beautiful. You're gonna make me cry. They would have really loved this. This whole place is just so beautiful, but are you sure its you?"

"Hey, girl, as much as I'd hate to admit, I'm not that same girl from Alabama. The army changes a person, ya know. This…and y'all…this is who I am now. It may be hard to believe, but I think I've done some changin', ya know?"

"I think we've all done some changing lately."


	9. Chapter 9

"Denise! You made it!"

"Hey, Pamela! I wouldn't miss it for the world. Where's Roxy?"

"You know…busy with _grand opening_ stuff. Can you believe it? We are at the grand opening of _Roxy's_ bar. I am so proud of that girl."

Pamela didn't see the figure walk up behind her.

"So am I."

Startled, she jumped three feet in the air before seeing who it was.

"BETTY! Hey! _How are you?_"

"Well, I suppose you could say I'm as good as can be expected, but this day ain't about me. I had to come back and see Roxy and what she did to my bar."

"Oh. I hope you aren't disappointed. I mean…this place is a total turn-around from the _Hump Bar_."

"Oh, you dear sweet girl. You don't have to be worried about me. If I was concerned about what Roxy was going to do with this place, I wouldn't have given it to her. Plus, she ain't no dim-wit. She called me before she finalized the plans. I think it's a wonderful idea, but if you'll excuse me ladies…I'm going in back to find the lady of the hour."

Both Pamela and Denise watched as Betty walked behind back to find Roxy.

"So, Denise. Have you heard from Claudia Joy? We've all been a little worried about her, and I know how close you two always were."

"Yeah, you know, she took Emily to go stay up north with her family for a little while. She felt a little guilty about leaving because the Brigadier General, of course, needed to stay, but she felt that Emily daughter didn't need to be face-to-face with the haunting reminders on base. I heard Emily might stay up north when Claudia Joy comes back…possibly next week."

"The poor woman has gone through a lot. All those nasty rumors had finally begun to settle down, and things were starting to calm down a little bit, and then she loses a daughter and a dear friend, but she always was a strong one. If you talk to her again, let her know we're all thinking about her back here on base."

"I will. She asks about you guys all the time."

"So, I never did ask…how is Jeremy?"

"Well, he and Amanda were getting pretty close for awhile there. She had just broken up with him before the accident, and it nearly broke his heart. To hear that, well, she wouldn't be coming home any more…it was devastating. He's starting to come around, though."

Roxy starts to approach from behind the bar when she sees tears streaming down the faces of her good friends once again.

"What's the matter, ya'll? Not enjoying my party?"

Both gave a little chuckle before wrapping Roxy in a group hug.

"Of course. Of course we're enjoying your party."


	10. Chapter 10

Later that evening, right before closing time, Roxy sat alone at the bar

Later that evening, right before closing time, Roxy sat alone at the bar. Despite the success of opening night, she felt remorse in her heart. Her friends couldn't help but notice, and it was Denise who called her out on it.

"What's the matter, Roxy? You should be excited…opening night!"

"I know. I know."

"But…"

"But I can't help but think about how I wish Trevor was here to see it. I mean, after the bombing, I had so much to keep my mind occupied. I didn't think about it much. Now that the dust has officially settled, so has the loneliness in my heart."

"I hear ya. It doesn't get any easier with experience, either. I miss Frank today just as much as the first time he was deployed. At least this time, I have my job to keep my pre-occupied."

Denise pushed a stray piece of blonde hair from Roxy's face before continuing.

"You just got to continue living each day with the understanding that no news is probably good news at this point."

"It's just hard, with the boys, ya know. How did you do it when Jeremy was little?"

"Well, it sure wasn't easy. Kids don't always understand. You just have to stay strong, keep that smile on your face, so that they can believe everything's okay. And hey, I'm sure this bar will keep you plenty busy."

"Yeah, it sure will."

"It's a beautiful bar, though."

"Yeah, it sure is."


End file.
